What middle age crisis?

I think that I'm going on my 5th life crisis.

The first was in my pre-school years, when kissing little girls butts seemed to be an obsession of mine. Of course, kissing female butts still seems to be a weakness of mine, so I guess that technically I never got passed that one.

The second was in my early teenage years, when I was obsessed with my penis and putting it somewhere. I didn't figure out why and where until a few years after though, but when I finally did figure it out it was glorious! Of course, Gloria might tell you otherwise, but that's another story. Come to think of it, I still haven't gotten over that one either!

The third crisis hit me like a tone of bricks when I was in my early 20's. She was a French Parisienne girl, with curly black hair and snow flake coloured skin. Here name rhymes with a certain female garment -- you know who you are:)! That particular summer was spent studying French, and I don't mean the language!

The fourth crisis I married! The crisis continues!

So, now in my mid-thirties I'm facing my 5th crisis in life. I thought that things came in 3's - not trees - oh well, I was wrong again... nothing new, I'm used to it by now. What I'm not used to however is this constant back-and-forth, yin-and-yan, black-and-white, hot-and-cold... you get the picture! One day I'm a born again Christian; the next day that damn Bill Maher (I hope I spelled his name right) says there's no such thing as God and I'm an atheist again... sorry Bill, I meant to say apatheist. Jesus Christ is real, then he's not. Aliens are attacking but then the crop circles are discovered to be a hoax. Drinking a lot of water helps you lose weight, then it doesn't. If you run a marathon you live longer but you might also drop dead in the process. The stock markets are good and then they're really really bad. Marxism is dead but then it's alive again. We have global warming and then we don't! (just ask us here in Canada - it's cold dude!)

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

Now it doesn't help to be a Gemini; we are schizo to begin with! I've started to learn to play the guitar lately, started to learn how to draw and I have re-started to learn how to write (which has been a life long passion of mine that I burried deep down inside because I had no one there to encourage me when I was growing up!). Oh, yeah, and I have daddy issues! Big ones! Recently I have been trying to get back into shape because I decided that my wife will never fuck me again like a whore, so I need to find a naughty, young, blonde, big breasted, Polish chick. Then my wife goes ahead and names a star after me on my birthday! Is that the coolest gift or what! I hate her! She is making me feel guilty. How long is this going to last? I need to get back to thinking about fucking beatiful, young, busty blondes!

Anyway, today I blew off an interview because I didn't get much sleep last night - and it had nothing to do with sex! I emailed the interview panel (yes - these days they need a gang of people to decide if you are worthy to sleep at their desks!) and told them that I sprained my ankle. I offered to do the interview over the phone but they want to see me in person, for some reason:) Oh well, there goes that job!

What middle age crisis? I guess we are finally catching up to the speed of technology. In the past they would only have one middle age crisis. I've already had five!

P.S. I should be at work, pretending to work, but I think that I'm going to see Terminator Salvation! Ah Arnold, where have you gone? Oh, that's right, he's a politician now...LOL...